


wonderland

by goldearring (leoandsnake)



Series: 28/29 [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 'cause you've got that big dick, Blow Jobs, Come Swallowing, First Time, Flirting, French Kissing, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, New Relationship, Relationship Negotiations, Sexual Tension, kissing during sex, liam the service top makes his first appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:03:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoandsnake/pseuds/goldearring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Liam thinks of how he’s always felt around Louis: on-edge and nervy, as if something is about to happen. </i>
</p><p>Prequel to everything. Liam and Louis discuss their first kiss the night before, and it turns into the first time they have sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wonderland

Liam lies in bed, awake. Not a single cell in his body is tired. He buzzes with nervous energy, constantly shifting his limbs, his ears pricked for every noise that filters in from the hallway or the window.

The band has doubled up for the night; the hotel was badly overbooked and they try to be good sports about that sort of thing. When security was handing out key cards, Harry and Niall went to kip together so automatically that to question it would have been bizarre.

The lights are off. He's supposed to be asleep. Louis is showering in the bathroom; he's been in there for an entire half hour, silent save for the sound of the water.

Tomorrow they have a full day of press ahead of the AMAs, and Liam should be asleep. He should be tired, at the very least.

But the night before, in the anonymous shadows of a dying party in Kensington, Louis had done what they'd both been privately waiting for him to do. He climbed onto Liam's lap and kissed him, and Liam had held him and kissed him back, and they'd fallen into the privacy of an upstairs bed with their mouths pressed together and their arms around each other and fallen asleep.

Nothing more than that had happened. Liam had made sure it hadn't. Louis was high and not thinking clearly. He'd pawed at Liam's crotch and Liam had stilled his hands, though he was aching for Louis all over like he was down with a fever.

He was sure they'd wake the next morning and Louis would brush off what happened as the manic handsiness of his gorked self; as a laugh, an accident, a more extreme version of their stage kiss. Liam hadn't allowed himself to hope that Louis meant anything else by it.

Louis had woken next to him; Liam had already been awake for a while, staring at the back of his head in wonderment, not wanting to jostle him. Then Louis had rolled over and given Liam a smile that stopped the earth on its axis.

Liam remembers all of this, vividly. He's been reliving it all day, his heart clenching in his chest every time he does.

Louis had crawled over him, hands on either side of his ribcage, and stroked his face with a careful hand. He said his name in a way Liam had never heard him say it before. Liam had a brief impression of falling endlessly in darkness, of being Alice down the rabbit hole.

Louis kissed him again, in a stranger’s bed, in the bright November daylight and with both of them utterly sober.

They hadn't had time to discuss it, then. Two cars were waiting for them outside, and they'd gone straight to set to film promos.

Liam felt like he was getting away with a crime all day. He couldn't believe that he could put his arm around Louis in front of everyone and no one sensed what they had done, that no one twigged to the heat in his cheeks and the tension between their bodies, that the director did not scream for them to cut and single him out.

When he watched the dailies, he was struck dumb by how normal he seemed. Only someone intimately learned in his microexpressions would see something was wrong.

And Harry had, in fact, leaned over his shoulder and commented, “Bit stiff today, Liam?” which he was able to respond to honestly with, “A bit hungover.”

This earned a knowing smile from Harry, who had casually put his headphones back on like they were not living in a brand new terrifying world where everything had been up-ended.

In the bathroom, the shower stops. He hears Louis getting out and futzing around. Against his will, Liam’s body begins to thrum with a mix of fear and excitement. His palms sweat and itch; his legs feel restless.

He tells himself to stop. He tells himself that he can’t feel this way about Louis, of all people, that he’s hardly a month out of a relationship with Sophia, that Louis was probably just being affectionate this morning -- _he knows that isn’t true, he knows in the marrow of his bones that it was more_ \-- that he doesn’t feel that way about Louis -- _but he does, and he really has for a while now_ \-- that they’re both lonely  -- _they are, but it’s more than that_ \-- that this is insane, and ill-advised -- _it is, it is, of course it is_ \--

The bathroom door opens.

Liam, paralyzed with helplessness and terror, does the only thing he can think to do and pretends to be asleep.

With his eyes closed, he hears Louis getting dressed, and he feels Louis sit down on the edge of the bed, so close to his feet. His toes burn and tingle with how close Louis’ body is, and his face grows hot again. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter.

“Payno,” Louis says, drily. His voice has the characteristic flat affect of someone coming down hard from a molly trip. “I know you’re not sleeping.”

Liam wonders in a frenzy if he can pull it off by just doubling down and continuing to pretend.

“Liam, I’d like to talk with you before tomorrow.”

Press all day tomorrow, Liam remembers.

“Yeah,” he says, opening his eyes. Dark spots swim in his vision. “Okay, yeah.”

Louis shifts on the bed, and another hot surge of attraction and fear goes through Liam. He’s facing away, and all Liam can see is his profile in the darkness: his fringe, his little nose and sharp jaw.

Then he turns to Liam and comes closer, sitting with his legs crossed on top of the blankets, harrowingly close to Liam’s thigh.

For all that they know about each other and all of the situations they’ve seen each other in, both awful and euphoric, it strikes him as particularly incredible that Louis feels so alien to him in this moment -- that there is somehow a wholly new world unfurling between them.

“It’s okay,” Liam says, “if last night didn’t mean anything.”

Now he’s thrown the gauntlet. He bites his lip and tries to find Louis’ eyes in the darkness.

“Do me a favor, lad,” Louis says, his voice soft and throaty. “Sit up.”

Liam does so, his back against the headboard. He thanks God that Louis hasn’t turned the lights on.

Louis puts a hand on his thigh and Liam is inflamed by his touch. His entire leg twitches under Louis’ fingers.

Louis isn’t making eye contact with him. He stares at his own hand.

“Sorry,” he murmurs. “It’s been a long come-down today, I’m still not quite right.”

“It’s fine,” Liam says quickly, and then he laughs, sounding not at all like himself. It’s a laugh of panic and one of being overwhelmed. He summons enough courage in himself to say, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

Louis’ lips quirk up in a smile. “I think it’s a bit overdue, actually.”

Liam’s heart thuds harder in his chest. His mouth is dry.

Louis looks him in the eyes for the first time. Liam freezes.

“Do you have feelings for me?” he says, in his small sweet voice. “Are you attracted to me? Legitimately?”

Liam thinks like there’s no question on all the earth that he’s less prepared to answer. He stares into Louis’ eyes, unblinking.

Louis gives a little sigh, and rubs at his thigh like it’s nothing. “Liam…”

“Please,” Liam begs, and pushes his hand under Louis’. “Louis…”

Louis removes his hand quickly, with an air of having been rejected.

“Yeah, I do,” Liam says, and having said it he's suddenly boneless with relief. His body sags backward and he heaves a massive sigh. “Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my God.”

His heart is beating faster now, if anything. Adrenaline is flooding his veins and making his fingers tremble.

“Okay,” Louis says, slowly. Liam hates that he’s so calm, resents how drained of serotonin he is. While a chain gang of brain chemicals wreaks havoc on every part of Liam’s body, Louis vibrates on a lower wavelength. It’s so unlike them.

“Tell me you asked ‘cos you feel the same,” Liam begs him, feeling emboldened by honesty. “Please tell me I’m not, like, the dumbest prat in the world right now.”

Louis laughs and comes closer to him. Liam doesn’t twig to what’s happening until Louis takes his face in his hands, gazing at his mouth.

“What are we doing?” Liam whispers. He wants so badly for Louis to kiss him. His lips are tingling in anticipation.

Louis kisses him instead of answering. His mouth tastes different than it did last night or this morning. Liam wonders, briefly, insanely, if he’ll get to keep kissing Louis and find out all the different ways he can taste.

Louis kisses him eagerly, sucking at Liam’s bottom lip and stroking his cheek. Liam wants to touch him, but is scared to. He brings one hand gingerly to Louis’ waist and Louis responds immediately by pressing his own hand over it, encouraging him.

Their facial hair rubs together and Liam is shocked by how erotic it feels. His cock twitches and he reacts on its behalf, dragging Louis onto his lap. They kiss deeply and desperately with their hands all over each other, in each other’s hair, tongues in each other’s mouth. Louis moans into the kiss and Liam’s cock throbs.

Liam is numb with the sudden realization that he wants to fuck Louis. He lets out his own moan and Louis presses against him harder, biting his lip. Liam’s hand grips Louis’ thigh, hard, like he’s holding him in place.

Louis separates from him and they breathe heavily for a moment, sharing each other’s air. 

“What they do on the Discovery Channel,” Louis says.

“What?” Liam murmurs. It takes effort to find his voice.

“You asked what we’re doing.”

“I think I meant that like, philosophically,” Liam says, and Louis laughs a tinkling, musical laugh that Liam is greatly relieved to hear.

“Was wondering how that would feel,” Louis says, not answering his question. “Since I’m all shitty in the brain right now. Felt great, though, actually.”

“You were thinking about kissing me when you were in the shower?” Liam says, wanting the answer to be yes.

Louis’ lips slowly spread in a grin.

“Maybe,” he says coyly.

“I thought I was going crazy,” Liam says. “Until last night, I mean. I thought I was projecting onto you…”

“D’you want to have sex?” Louis says, his voice throatier.

Liam feels as if a spotlight’s been beamed directly onto him. He can’t look Louis in the eye and drops his forehead to his shoulder. Louis strokes the back of his head like it’s nothing. Maybe it should be nothing. They touch each other all the time.

He thinks of how he’s always felt around Louis: on-edge and nervy, as if something is about to happen. At first it made him afraid of Louis, made him not like him. In time, he learned how to lean into that feeling, to let it break over him and buoy him. As the years stretched on, he began to crave it. At some point, he started looking for the same thing in everyone new he met.

“I do,” he murmurs. “Isn’t it obvious? Wasn’t it last night?”

Louis shrugs, jostling him. “Sometimes a makeout’s just a lark, if you don’t both want more.”

“You’re talking about this so weird,” Liam says, and he exhales a long, unsteady breath. “You’re talking like I’m not who I am and you’re not who you are, like this isn’t crazy of us to be doing.”

“I s’pose it hasn’t quite sunk in yet,” Louis says. “God, I wanted to touch you all day today, though. I kept thinking about it. Feels so good to say that.”

Liam groans and wraps his arms around Louis. “This is terrifying,” he says.

“It’s great,” Louis says, laughing lightly. “I haven’t been really scared in ages.”

“Tommo, Christ, this isn’t an _adventure_...”

Louis’ eyes twinkle. “Isn’t everything?”

He puts his hand over Liam’s crotch and Liam is deeply embarrassed by his hard-on, like he’s a pervert at a sleepover. But Louis makes a low, appreciative noise as soon as he realizes how aroused Liam is. Liam’s cock throbs at hearing it.

“God,” Louis says. Liam can feel his ribs spread and retract as he breathes. “Bizarre, innit?”

Liam slides his fingers into Louis’ hair. “Maybe we shouldn’t,” he says, clinging to normality. “Maybe we should try to forget this happened.”

Louis laughs heartily. “Yeah, _that_ sounds doable. Look, Payno…”

He reaches under Liam’s chin and tips his head up, looking into his eyes.

“It’s obvious we were going to get here at some point,” Louis says. “Least to me it is. As soon as I realized I was pining after you and you after me, I knew that.”

Liam gazes at him. His presence is overwhelming; his pleasant boyish post-shower scent, the residual taste of his mouth on Liam’s, the pressure and warmth of him on his lap and his face inches away. Liam is buzzing all over. He thinks like he’s going to burst out of his skin if he doesn’t relieve the pressure building in his pelvis.

They simultaneously lean forward to kiss again. It feels inevitable that it’s going to end in sex this time. Liam slides down on the bed and Louis moves to accommodate him. His eager fingers yank Liam’s boxers down and Liam’s hard cock springs free.

Louis draws away from him to look at it.

“Fuck,” he says appreciatively. “I’ve never seen one that was so happy to see me.”

“Louis,” Liam moans.

Louis brushes his fingers over Liam reverently, seeming awed.

“Has it always been this big?” he says, his voice higher. “Cor… Payno’s a grower...”

“Are you gonna touch me?” Liam says, his palms stinging with prickly sweat. He wants nothing more than for Louis to do so, but the prospect itself seems to him like some kind of lunacy, no more real than the Loch Ness monster.

“If you’d like me to,” Louis purrs. “Looks like you would, yeah?”

“Oh, God, _Louis_ …”

Louis stares at him with a sort of sinister mischief in his eyes.

“And how hard are _you_?” Liam says, feeling singled out and embarrassed.

He reaches out for Louis but his arm freezes mid-reach.

Louis grabs his arm, yanks it the rest of the way and places it over his own crotch. He’s rock-hard. Liam wonders if he’s dripping. He makes a small, choked noise and Louis propels himself forward to meet Liam’s lips. Liam grabs him by the waist as Louis shimmies out of his boxers and drapes himself over Liam, rubbing their cocks together.

It feels incredible. Liam moans into his mouth and grips Louis’ arm tightly, hard enough to leave marks. He’s never as much as touched another cock, but it isn’t even about Louis’ cock, it’s about _Louis_ , the fact that he’s so desperately hard and here on top of Liam and making all kinds of heated noises, the fact that they’re tasting the insides of each other’s mouths.

“I might take a while to come,” Louis breathes, “so just go whenever you feel like --”

Liam groans. He reaches down for his own cock and is hit with a stab of excitement when he accidentally grabs the slick shaft of Louis’. Spooked by his own reaction, he draws his hand back; Louis laughs and eagerly says, “no, no, go on,” and he begins to stroke Liam’s.

Liam had no idea how good this could feel, jerking someone while they jerk you. He loves feeling Louis’ body shudder over him when he gets in a good stroke, loves the touch of someone else’s strong, experienced hand on him. The muscles in his pelvis clench and unclench pleasantly as his cock throbs. He wants nothing but Louis; he is absolutely euphoric in having him. With his free hand he gropes Louis’ thick arse, and has a pang of arousal at how good it feels under his hand. Louis bites his lip again and his skin hums with pleasure.

He feels a clench in his balls and knows he’s close. He pulls Louis closer and Louis’ hand continues working steadily, marvelously, he clenches his fingers in Louis’ hair and moans “ _Yes, yes, fuck, yeah, God, fuck, yes_ ,” and then he comes all over his own hand and Louis’ hand and their cocks and stomachs.

Louis groans with appreciation and takes Liam’s face in both his hands, kissing him as he smears Liam’s own come into his beard. Outside of sex, in broad daylight hours, he would find that disgusting, but right now he finds it unbearably erotic to the point where his spent cock throbs with aftershocks of orgasm. He wants Louis to rub come all over him, in his hair and in his mouth.

Louis is dripping precome all over his hand but doesn’t seem to be getting closer to orgasm; he grinds against Liam and whines in frustration.

“Can I blow you?” Liam blurts out, then closes his eyes in the shock of what he’s said.

Louis kisses down over his chest and shoulders. “Please,” he says eagerly, “please, holy shit --”

Liam sits up and turns Louis over onto his back. Louis gazes at him with red lips, pink cheeks and shining eyes. Liam is struck by how badly he wants to please Louis, how badly he wants to serve him.

He’s never imagined himself sucking a cock, not in a hundred years, but it’s not just cock, it’s Louis, it’s a part of Louis, who he loves, he loves him --

He passes the tip into his mouth, thinking of how he likes to be sucked. Louis moans again and slides his fingers into Liam’s hair, pulling at it. The pain in his scalp centers and drives him, and he takes Louis deeper. He tastes salty and bitter, but Louis moans above him and the sound is like honey in his ears. He sucks harder, wanting nothing more than for Louis to come in his mouth and throat, barely comprehending why he wants it, but blinded by greed and arousal and bewitched by the musky scent of him. Louis’ cock and pubes smell like Louis, but more sensual, more vital and intense. Liam licks eager stripes up Louis’ cock, saliva dribbling out of his mouth.

“Liam,” Louis moans, “Liam, Liam, _fuck_ \--”

He comes in Liam’s mouth, gripping the bedspread.

Liam is overwhelmed by his come. He chokes on it initially, his nose stinging, and then Louis pulls him close and kisses him. Liam feels a sharp surge of affection for Louis for not caring about tasting himself on Liam’s lips. They snog deeply. Louis is so pliant in his arms, seeking out Liam’s touch wherever he can find it, pressing their bodies together harder. Liam strokes his hair back away from his face, smoothing it down. He could lie here for days, just holding him.

“Cool,” Louis murmurs against his collarbone, “so you do actually like me, then.”

Liam starts to laugh and finds he can’t stop. Nervous energy pours out of him. When he finally stops, he's content and sleepy. He cradles Louis’ head and kisses his hairline, smelling his shampoo.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do, now,” Liam murmurs. He’s too spent for real anxiety, but his mind races anyway. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. Holy hell, Tommo.”

“One day at a time,” Louis says, stroking Liam’s arm. “We’re smart, right? Good at problem-solving, right?”

“This is a whole new universe of problem,” Liam mumbles.

Louis hums, not responding to him. He runs his fingers over Liam’s arm, drawing little patterns. Liam shuts his eyes and succumbs to comfort. He’s close to falling asleep.

“I can’t find it in me to regret it,” Louis says. “Just can’t. Was it stupid and rash? Yeah, absolutely. Do I regret it? Not right now, at least. I haven’t felt like that in years.”

Liam shakes his head. “Me neither.”

“Just… alive, y’know?”

His voice lulls Liam deeper.

“I do know,” Liam admits. “’S how you always make me feel, but just, like… more, and different.”

Louis makes a small noise of pleased, self-conscious surprise, and cuddles closer to Liam. Liam holds him tighter, in response.

 

**Author's Note:**

> tfw when youre procrastinating on your grad school apps and you just lilo all over everything instead


End file.
